We're Messed Up, Aren't We?
by Jonathan 81
Summary: (Complete) After "Empty Places," Buffy leaves the house, Xander goes after her to talk. (BX Friendship) Enjoy. RR.


Alright, I wasn't totally satisfied with my fic, Mistakes We Made. I've been talking to fellow wrighters, and although it was good. I seemed to make Xander give in to Buffy's perspective easily. So, this will be a rewrite of Mistakes We Made. If you reviewed that fic, please re-review this one, and by doing so, compare them together. It will only make me a better writer in the long run. Don't you just love feedback. I know, I do.  
  
Title:We're Messed Up, Aren't We?  
Rating:PG-13  
Author:White Werewolf  
Category:Buffy/Xander Friendship  
Summery:After "Empty Places," Xander realizes what he said to Buffy was wrong. So, he goes to talk with her.  
Disclaimer:Buffy: the Vampire Slayer is owned by Whedon, UPN, Fox, and Me  
Author Notes:Again, this is a rewrite of Mistakes We Made.  
Special Thanks:Ozmandayus, Stone Cold, Silent Bob Foley, and Jason W. Thompson  
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********  
Summers Residence  
May 1, 2003  
10:00 PM  
*********  
  
Xander saw Buffy leave the house, and she was shortly joined by Faith. He could only imagine what the two slayers were talking about. Then he scanned the room, and could see that everyone was talking with someone else. It was either with friends or with their girlfriend.  
  
He sighed, playing the recent problem in his mind. Xander was not too thrilled with the way it went with Buffy. Part of him wanted to talk to her, and help her see the the problem. And by doing so, he might be able make things run more smoothly.   
  
The young man got up from his seat, and headed for the door. He grabbed his jacket, put it on, and was about to turn the knob when he heard someone say, "Were you going, Xand?"  
  
Xander turned around to see Dawn. Lately it seemed like Dawn was the only one that actually understood him. "I'm going after your sister. I think someone should talk to her, and that someone should be me."  
  
She smiled weakly, "I understand. You're coming back here tonight, right?"  
  
He shook his head, "I don't know, Dawnie. I don't know what's going to happen tonight. But I promise you this, I'll let you know what happens."  
  
"Sure. Thanks for telling me."  
  
Xander smiled, kissed her on the forehead, and left the house.  
  
********  
Streets of Sunnydale  
May 1, 2003  
10:15 PM  
********  
  
Xander walked down the sidewalk from the Summers house.  
  
The wind blew through his hair as he continued his journey. The moon's light shined against his jacket.   
  
It was a somewhat calm night, and he could understand. Not that many people or even demons were still in Sunnydale. There was a war coming, and as much as things got heated within the last hour. They still needed a leader, and Faith didn't have that much experience. So, Buffy was the right choice.  
  
Clem came by to visit him earlier last night when he was alone. The two of them talked, and he said that he was leaving Sunnydale. In fact, he was leaving this morning.  
  
Xander had a good idea of where to find her. He has gotten to know Buffy over the years, and knew exactly where she'd be. But with the last two years, he didn't know that much about her anymore.  
  
But that didn't stop him. She needed a friend and he wanted to be that friend. It only seemed right after all the times she saved his life in the past.  
  
The construction worked put his hands in his pockets, and walked further down the street hoping if anything, Buffy was where he thought she'd be.  
  
********  
Roosevelt Park  
May 1, 2003  
10:30 PM  
********  
  
Xander automatically looked to the direction of the swing set.  
  
All he could see was a shadow of a young woman sitting on a swing with her feet shifting the dirt below.  
  
Before Xander could say anything as he stood next to the swing, Buffy said, "I'm not in the mood, Xander."  
  
He sighed, "Well, get in the mood, Buff. We need to talk."  
  
She looked up into his eyes and said, "You made it perfectly clear what you said back there."  
  
The dark haired young man sat in the swing next to her, and turned to face her, "Here's the thing, Buffy. You are too involved with this upcoming war, that you don't know any of the potentials by name."  
  
She shook her head, "Not true. I know Kennedy, Molley, Amanda, and....Annabelle."  
  
"Buffy...."  
  
"What?"  
  
"First of all, Kennedy hooked up with Willow, and the only reason you know her is because Willow talks non-stop about her. I even wonder if Willow got involved with her with the right reasons. I mean, shouldn't she still be mourning for Tara? But, that's beside the point. We thought Dawn was a potential too, but later found out it was Amanda. And Annabelle died. You seem to only know about some of the girls when something happens to them."  
  
She hung her head in defeat, "I see your point. There's so much to do, Xander. I have to train girls for a war that most aren't ready for."  
  
"What you need to do is calm down, Buffy. Let them have some fun, and get to learn their names."  
  
"It's not only that, Xander. Of everyone back at the house, Spike is the only one watching my back."  
  
Xander couldn't believe what she was saying. He got out of his swing, and looked down at Buffy, "That's so not true, it's not even funny."  
  
The blond stood up, and faced Xander, "It is true, Xander. Spike seems to be the only one fighting by my side."  
  
He shook his head, "So, I guess all those years I've been fighting by your side means nothing to you, Buff. It's been seven years, and I've always been there for you. I care about you so damn much, that when Anya suggested that we leave Sunnydale to start a new life, I turned her down. I told her that my place is here, helping you fight the good fight. But, I guess that doesn't matter. Just because Spike has a soul is not a reason to depend on him so much. God, Buffy. Do you even care that Spike's the one that killed Robin's mother? How do you think he feels when he works with us?"  
  
This was so much for her to take in, but she knew he was right. She just couldn't let him know right now, "Spike does have a soul now, and because of that I feel he could be a better man."  
  
"I just still don't believe that you tolerate him, Buffy. Isn't Spike the one that almost raped you? Isn't he the one that made you cry in your own bathroom? Isn't he the one that's been taking advantage of you last year while you were trying to get your life back together?"  
  
She glared at him, "So, what do you want me to do, Xander? Do you want me to just ignore him? We need his muscle for the upcoming war."  
  
Xander sighed, "I'm not saying that we couldn't use him, Buffy. It's just that he's put you through so much. And as for extra muscle, Buffy, we don't need him. There's you, Faith, the potentials, Giles, Willow, Robin, and I. Heck, if you need extra muscle, you could call Angel. I trust him more than I trust Spike, Buffy. And we know Angel does care about you. Or do the first few years that you were in Sunnydale mean anything to you?"  
  
He was so right, but before she could respond, he continued, "I mean, Buffy. I don't know about you anymore. When you first came to Sunnydale you thought the Slayer was just part of you. Now, you believe you are all Slayer and nothing else. It's like you're the complete opposite of what you were back in high school. I know Buffy Summers, Buffy. And, you are so not her."  
  
Those words hurt her to the core, "You think I'm the only one that's not perfect. Let's look at Xander Harris, shall we? I seem to remember you leaving Anya at the alter. And let's not forget that you lied to me about Angel so many years ago. That's right, I know. I talked to Willow after. The only reason you did that was because you were so jealous of him. All because you had feelings for me, and I didn't return them. Then, there's your history with magic. Weren't you the one that brought that singing demon to Sunnydale?"  
  
"Alright, Buffy. I know I have faults. That's what's being human is all about. And as for my hatred toward Angel, it doesn't come from being jealous of him. It comes from the fact that he's a vampire. I hate them so damn much, Buffy. I ended up staking my own best friend. I had to watch the only man that I considered a brother die. I lost people that were close to me, Buffy. Why do you think I help you? It's not only because I love you, Buffy. It's because I don't want to see any one else die. Because, losing Jesse killed me inside."  
  
She started to tear up, "You don't think I lost people, Xander? I lost a lot. I lost mom, Angel, Riley, Giles, Dr. Gregory, and my father. All these men left me."  
  
"So we both lost people, Buffy. Such is life. All I'm saying is don't push people away."  
  
Buffy wasn't in the mood to be angry anymore. "I lost so much, Xander. I don't want to lose anymore." Then Buffy broke down. "Every time I let people into my life, I end up losing them."  
  
It hurt Xander to see Buffy cry, so he immediately pulled her into a hug. "You won't lose anyone else."  
  
The blond looked up into his eyes, "How can you be sure? How do you know I won't lose anyone else?"  
  
Xander sighed, "I don't know, Buffy. But, I won't let it happen if I have anything to do with it. Listen, Buffy. I'm sorry I blew up like this. It just hurts that you think I don't help? That, and just because Spike has a soul, you give him top priority."  
  
Buffy's eyes widened at that point. She had to look back at this past year, and realized that Xander was right. Everytime she was needed, Buffy was with Spike. Then she looked at Xander's eye patched, and grimaced.   
  
At that very moment, Buffy knew that she never was alone. That Spike wasn't the only one to watch her back. All her friends did. Namely Giles, Willow, and Xander. Especially Xander. "I'm sorry, Xander."  
  
This time his eye widened, "You're sorry?"  
  
She nodded, I'm sorry that I said that Spike was the only one watching my back. I realize that Giles was right. That you, Willow, and him have been watching my back from the beginning--especially you."  
  
He smiled, "Like I said before, Buffy. I love you."  
  
Then, she immediately pulled him into a hug, and looked into his eye. "It's because of me that you lost your eye. I told you to get the girls out of the vineyard, and you listened to me. And because you listened to me, Caleb made you lose an eye."  
  
"I knew the score even before I started to help you, Buffy. I understood that I was putting my life in danger every night, just so you could have a better chance of living. I already lost you twice, and I don't want to lose you again. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. Same goes to Willow and Dawn."  
  
"Let's not find out, ok?" Buffy asked.  
  
The construction worked smiled, "That's fine by me."   
  
"Y'know what Xander?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I think we both have messed up lives, Xander. We both have issues still after a year. I don't think we really learned anything from our experiences."  
  
A smile appeared on his face, "The joys of living on the Hellmouth, huh?"  
  
The Slayer flashed his a smile as, "You can say that again."  
  
"Alright. The joys of living on the Hellmouth, huh?"  
  
Buffy slapped Xander on the back, "You're insane, you know that?"  
  
The young man wrapped an arm around Buffy's shoulders, "People tell me that."  
  
"So, what happens now?"  
  
He looked at his watch, and it was 11:30. "It's pretty late. Want to come back to the house, and talk to the others."  
  
She shook her head, "I'm not ready for that yet."  
  
Xander got an idea, so, he dove his hand in his pocket, and found exactly what he was looking for. "You could spend the night at my apartment. You can take the bed, and I'll take the couch."  
  
The blond smiled, "I'd like that. But...."  
  
"But what?"  
  
"You don't have to take the couch."  
  
"Then where do I sleep?"  
  
She intertwined her hand with his, "Sleep with me. No sex intended. Just hold me."  
  
He nodded, "Lead the way."  
  
With that said, Buffy lead Xander back to his apartment with a renewed friendship.  
  
"Oh, by the way."  
  
Xander turned to face his friend. "Yeah?"  
  
She smiled, "I love you too."  
  
"I know."  
  
The End 


End file.
